


they've all been strong for too long

by VIRGIL_YES



Category: Sanders Sides (Web Series)
Genre: Attempted Murder, Bad Writing, Crofter's Organic Spread (Sanders Sides), Depression, Detectives, Episode: Crofters - The MUSICAL! (Sanders Sides), I'm Bad At Tagging, Logince - Freeform, Multi, Murder Mystery, Suicide Attempt, demus - Freeform, moxiety - Freeform
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2020-05-28
Updated: 2020-08-12
Packaged: 2021-03-03 05:49:21
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence, Major Character Death, Underage
Chapters: 18
Words: 14,504
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/24419938
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/VIRGIL_YES/pseuds/VIRGIL_YES
Summary: A NEW CASE FOR LOGAN BERRYA girl lies on a tram rail in Orlando Florida and waits for the train. In another part of Sweden, a man ends up in a deep grave in the forest. None of their loved ones knows of the impending disaster. Will their lives be saved?The two victims are not familiar but have something vital in common. Now it's up to Detective Logan Berry to find the connection before it's too late.Will Update every Friday when I canTake it easy peeps /EmALL CHARACTERS BELONG TO THOMAS SANDERSTRIGGERS, murder, suicide, strong language, extreme bullyingOC Character is also in here and you are not allowed to use themI post every weekend when I have time with work and my job as a gymnastics coachStarted December 2019
Relationships: Anxiety | Virgil & Creativity | Roman & Dark Creativity | Remus & Deceit & Logic | Logan, Anxiety | Virgil Sanders/Morality | Patton Sanders, Creativity | Roman "Princey" Sanders/Logic | Logan Sanders, Deceit | Janus Sanders & Logic | Logan Sanders
Kudos: 2





	1. Darkness

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I

TW: Suicide, Murder and lots of angst

I stood there silently in the distance, in the midst of the people, saw the wounds in your hand, your foot, your body. And the darkness was heavy and hopeless. I heard rumours flying over the city that the tomb did not hold my Lord. But I have seen and heard and learned from life that the riddle of death can never get an answer, and no one takes back what the grave takes.

I stood there silently in the distance, in the midst of the people, saw the wounds in your hand, your foot, your body. And the darkness was heavy and hopeless. I heard rumours flying over the city that the tomb did not hold my Lord. But I have seen and heard and learned from life that the riddle of death can never get an answer, and no one takes back what the grave takes.  
The arms cannot be moved. He tries to chew the disgusting cloth in his mouth and push it aside with the help of his tongue. Without success. He can't scream for help. Fatigue creeps in, but he knows what that would mean to give in to it. The snare around his neck reminds him every second. As soon as the stool he swings to, he feels the icy terror in the veins.  
There is little need for him to lose his footing. And strangled to death. The house is humid and the autumn cold seeps through the roads. The tears have run out, but he is still sobbing.  
Patton. He whispers them. Patton. Help.  
The sound is obstructed by the fabric in the mouth. Can he cause noise in any other way? He stomps on the stool but becomes afraid that it will break. It is already wobbly. Everything speaks to him. How should anyone find him? He feels a responsibility to survive. For the sake of others, if nothing else. Never has he ever been so afraid of falling asleep. It is enough that he nods and happens to have overturned the pallet, then it is run.  
Then there is no rescue. Fatigue is treacherous, it is becoming increasingly difficult to keep your eyes open. How many hours he has spent here he has no idea just that they are many. He must not fall. But he has to close his eyes. He closes his eyes and feels how nice they are to rest, just a short second. Head to. That's all it takes. The muscles relax and the legs lose their stature. He wakes up from a tight jerk around his neck and gasps for air. Those who absolutely could not happen have happened. The stool has overturned and he hangs freely in the air.


	2. Chapter 2

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Monday 14 October 
> 
> He follows the man with his boots along the hilly path in the forest. The ground underfoot swings and they spin in the head. How did he end up here? It whistles in the trees and the wind pulls away colourful leaves that sail towards the ground. The blood-red leaves are the most beautiful, he always has. Autumn is enchanting.
> 
> Today's last rays of sunlight find their way between the branches. The light from the sky illuminates the path, but the grief lies like a shadow within him. The images from his life come and go. He has everything that many can only dream of. Three lovely children and a beautiful husband.

Monday 14 October 

He follows the man with his boots along the hilly path in the forest. The ground underfoot swings and they spin in the head. How did he end up here? It whistles in the trees and the wind pulls away colourful leaves that sail towards the ground. The blood-red leaves are the most beautiful, he always has. Autumn is enchanting.

Today's last rays of sunlight find their way between the branches. The light from the sky illuminates the path, but the grief lies like a shadow within him. The images from his life come and go. He has everything that many can only dream of. Three lovely children and a beautiful husband.

A fantastic house at the best address. The dream car with all the extra accessories. The most expensive high-pressure washer on the market. Two robotic lawnmowers. Pool with automatic chlorination. He is weak at gadgets, likes exclusive watches and cameras. Technique. Sports cars.

Things he couldn't afford until his career took off. And things his brother will never stop mocking him for. The language of jealousy is not beautiful, but he has fought hard for his success.

Everything was hard at work, every late night when he was forced to handle demanding job emails and the kids' hunt for attention. Guilt and insufficiency. He looked down at his white shoes that got dirty during the walk. It was stupid not to take anything more fitting on your feet.

None of the ones he wears is suitable for the forest or the cold. Neither his shirt, his jacket nor his light blue chinos. He would not survive many days. A laughing thought.

"We are soon here," says the voice in front of him and he wakes up from his sleep. The sun has dropped a snap and the light is on its way. They rest somewhat heavily over the forest. A hundred years of buried secrets. It rattles to somewhere and small paws rush away through the bushes. A squirrel climbs up a tree trunk and he is intrigued by the disproportionately large tail of the skinny squirrel.

The man points to a glare "There".  
Only a few meters left.  
He feels neither relief nor worry. It must be what it becomes. An artificial calm lurks in the body and the head is wrapped in cotton. The environment is losing more and more of its contours. The man with the boots stops. Then he bends down and removes leaves and branches from the ground and grabs something that looks like an iron gate.

"Can you chop in on the other side?" He asks. "It's too heavy for one person"  
They lift off the open deck and an abyss deep hole appears several meters below the ground, big enough for a person to fit.  
"Please and step down."  
Suddenly he becomes uncertain if he wants this. But now there is no return.

-Magical time skip-

CRIMINAL SPECTOR LOGAN BERRY slides through the Police station Park at Orlando in Florida. A dog is playing in the mustard yellow leaves. Autumn is special, especially on a sunny morning like this one, when the colours explode. In a minute, he'll be at work. Which he has longed for. It is not a day too early to start working again after parental leave. Being away from work for so long is not his thing, even though it was nicer the second time.

He should just turn left towards the entrance to the police station when he sees a figure under the big oak. Someone looking at him. Logan draws in his breath and slows down. The woman is reminiscent of someone. Yet he does not understand who it is until he gets closer.

Former police officer Karen (Kari).

A small cloud in the sky causes the sun to disappear for a moment, and the shadows on the face fade out. Karen looks different than the last Logan saw her. The hair is still black, but she is much rounder around the cheeks and more every day dressed. If you didn't know better, she could be classified as one in the crowd. Karen quickly moves towards him and stops right next door.

"Hi Logan, can we exchange some words?"

Logan hesitates in the step. It is the first day at work and he has to arrive on time, but above all, he has no desire to talk to the woman who was about to beat him off the road. Who tried to kill him. How could she even know that Logan was going to come here today? Because they can't be a coincidence. Logan scans for the surroundings, there is no one nearby. He does not intend to be alone with Karen.

"I have nothing to tell you," replies Logan and starts to leave. Karen grabs his shoulder. "Wait!"

"Let go of me" Logan releases himself.

"We are outside the police house. How dare you?"

Karen holds off her hands in the air.

"What are you looking for?" Asks Logam when he realizes that the woman opposite him looks more sad than hostile.

"Sorry," Karen says.

Logan doesn't know exactly what she is referring to. Does she mean the threat letters to Prince, who were then also directed at him and ended up in Damien's backpack?

I will always find you.

Logan is sure it was Karen who was behind it because Princey recognized the writing.

Or does she apologize for the loss? It does not matter. He does not want to deal with the woman.

"Love can do very strange things with one," Karen says softly. "You're lucky to have Roman."

Logan shakes his head. It is distant to call him Roman. He is Princey to everyone, even to Karen. Does that mean she has finally come over him? Karen's unrequited love for Princey overpowered and also hit Logan. He examines the woman in front of him. There might just be a way to get rid of her for good. To say as it is.

"Had," says Logan, "We're not together anymore."

Then he turns around and leaves. Now he does not intend to be hindered. In the blink of an eye, he sees the branches of the tad shadowing the place where Karen stands, staring at him. Thankfully she doesn't follow Logan, but even though the distance between them increases, a feeling of discomfort lingers.

Why does he tell you it's over?

Karen had nothing to do with it. Logan reaches the stairs and steps in through the grand entrance. The security guard must be new because nobody knows Logan. She looks at Logan as a stranger even though this is his second home. Not even when he legitimizes himself does the suspicion disappear. Once inside the security doors, he tries to put Karen behind him. Hopefully, this was their last meeting. Now there is no reason for her to give up on Logan anymore. Not when she knows Princey is single.

Logan meets his face in the elevator mirror and turns to the doors, waiting for them to open. When the elevator doors to the sixth floor are opened, Logan is set to work hard. But first a cup of coffee. The stripped-down environment is associated with murder investigations and late evenings. The smell of coffee sits in the walls. Yes, except when they had problems with the sewer and it stank shit for a week, but they would rather he forgot. Logan goes to the locker room. Everything is as usual at the regional investigation unit in Orlando, but at the same time, nothing is the same when he left in March he was the father of a child.

Now he is a father of 2 kids.

Logan Berry refills the coffee cup while his manager Thomas Sanders enters the room. They greet each other with a hug and settle down at the coffee table.

"Welcome back," he says. "When you first swallow coffee, I have something for you,"

Sanders has the same old Manchester blazer that always has something with his looks that Logan doesn't recognize. Is he starting to get old? He smiles and tastes the coffee.

"New supplier?"

"No, they are the same old shit," laughs Sanders and corrects the shirt collar. "Does it taste bitter?"

"Just different," says Logan. He has been missing the coffee but has suppressed how disgusting it is.

"How are you?"

"Yes, why to complain," he replies. "But how is Princey going to be at home then?"

"It remains to be seen, but I hope well."

Then comes a brief silence. Small talk is nothing for Logan, he wants to get to the essentials as soon as possible. The seat cushion he had sat on thousands of times before feels much bleaker.

"What kind of case should I work with?" He asks.

"Lost Janus Deceit," says Sanders. "I just got the information that he was found dead in a forest in Fort Luderdale. He could be quickly identified because he is a known face. "

News morning's most popular host. Respected and loved by the entire Swedish people. Handsome. Successful. Charming. Competent. A mother-in-law's dream.

"Everything indicates that he was murdered."


	3. Chapter 3

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Roman Pov
> 
> He must have done something good in life because at last, he must experience unconditional love. It was worth a year of waiting. Roman "Princey" Valentine has never felt anything like it and would do anything for him.
> 
> Even dead.

Roman Pov

He must have done something good in life because at last, he must experience unconditional love. It was worth a year of waiting. Roman "Princey" Valentine has never felt anything like it and would do anything for him.

Even dead.

He looks at him during the walk along the quay.

He smiles back but says nothing. Words are superfluous.

Soon it will be at All Stars Gallery. They should have lunch and watch the exhibitions. Enjoy life. No stress, no times to fit. No murders to solve. If a door opened a window, his grandmother used to say. That's right, he notes as they approach the stone stairs to the entrances. One thing is certain, Princey will not miss the job. Maybe the colleagues, but not the work itself. Although it is a meaningful profession, he has always found it difficult not to be involved in tragic life's fate.

You can't put the work aside when you get home. Release a painful meeting with parents whose children have been murdered. Many people say they get blunted after a while, but he has never succeeded. Rather, it has become more difficult over the years to feel joy for one's own sake as others suffer through their worst mad dream.

Logan is better applied to the task.

Not because he's cold-tempered, but he's not as emotionally involved. He has the ability to disconnect, at least when the case is resolved. Road time is another thing Then he is hopeless to do with. Unreachable. Forget his sister's birthday, miss everything that should be important. There he is special, but he knows that. Then there is another question which stands out but him.

I, Princey thinks gloomily.

"Do you want help?" Asks a woman on her way down the stairs, nodding appreciatively. She lifts the chassis to the stroller and helps him up to the glass doors.

"Thank you," he says, walking towards the cash register.

Missy starts crying as soon as we arrive indoors. He is sensitive to temperature changes and thrives best in the fresh air. His heart floods and he has to pick him up right away. He can't cope when he's sad, which he has already managed to snap up, even though he's only six months.

"Come to Dad," he says and is just as moved as ever to be called Dad.

He unbuttons Missys soft overalls and takes off his helmet cap so he doesn't get too hot.

The day Logan told him he was expecting children changed everything. The world became more colourful and he could cry completely without warning. But life also felt more threatening. Everywhere he saw dangers, he was terrified that something would happen to Logan or the baby. The anxiety worsened when Damien was born and it grows every day.

Princey has begun to accept that he must live with it.

When he said a few comforting words and completely unabashedly hummed at a children's song, the cry ceased. Missy is probably just hungry.

"Soon you will get food," he tells him and sees the woman at the checkout smiling with twinkling eyes at them.

The cellphone beeps and he manages to get it out of his pocket. Maybe it's Logan who wonders how they feel. He has promised to hear from him and tell us how he is doing but does not want to harass him with pictures and SMS from every moment.

The message is from an unknown number.

Say hello to your son.

Princey understands nothing when he sees a picture of another child, about the same age as Missy. It must be a mistake, he thinks.

Yet a feeling of discomfort lingers. What if the message against all presumptions is for him? It gnaws in the chest. Suddenly he realizes who the sender can be. It is not the case that there have been lots of different women and men in recent years. One more than Logan, to be exact.

Someone that Princey thought he was done with.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> A/n  
> I hope you guys have liked the story so far and I hope I'm writing okay I feel like it sucks but that's just me and my words. This is also a rewrite because I thought the other version sucked
> 
> You are welcome to comment on grammar or spelling errors I also accept constructive criticism. English is not my native language
> 
> Love Em


	4. Chapter 4

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> A faint scent of floral perfume and detergent strikes Logan as he steps over the threshold. The service room feels smaller and slightly more worn than in March. Logan immediately notices that someone else has been staying here, not just on the smell. His stuff is in boxes and it looks stripped down. He hangs the jacket on the hook and sits on his chair and adjusts the seat height.
> 
> Janus Deceit on news morning.

A faint scent of floral perfume and detergent strikes Logan as he steps over the threshold. The service room feels smaller and slightly more worn than in March. Logan immediately notices that someone else has been staying here, not just on the smell. His stuff is in boxes and it looks stripped down. He hangs the jacket on the hook and sits on his chair and adjusts the seat height.

Janus Deceit on news morning.

As soon as he starts the computer he goes in and read about his disappearance. Media has not been able to get the new information yet, but it is only a matter of time before there will be an update that Janus Deceit has been found dead.

Everything indicates that he was murdered.

He looks at the portrait image of him. 

Chestnut brown, kind eyes, infectious smile and cinder-coloured hair in an unstable hairstyle. Twenty-nine years old. He had his whole life ahead of him. Logan has a hard time imagining that he could have some enemies, but of course, everything is not always as it seems.

Janus was found dead in Fort Lauderdale, but Gainesville police suspect the location of the finding is not the same as the crime scene. Since Janus is written in Orlando, several hearings must be held here, in addition, he is a well-known profile and the general interest is extra large.

The media will demand to know what has happened.

The exploration leader in Gainesville has asked Orlando for help, and this is where Logan comes into the picture. The problem is the investigative unit in Orlando which has not exaggerated resources when it kills people in each and every suburb nowadays. He is happy to avoid these matters. Threading is like trying to figure out a tangled yarn and just make the knot worse the more you pull it.

Now he is back on his long-awaited job, he is struck by doubt. Should he sit here and investigate murders when he just gave life to a little boy who needs his dad? Not to mention Damien who has started peeing on the nights and talks baby language. All to get the same attention as his little brother. It's inevitable to think about his own big sister Missy. Was she the same when Logan was born?

Sanders peeks through the door to his service room.

"I just talked to the machine gun. Now I have a little more on my feet. "

"Come in," he says, laughing. "Machine gun?"

"I have known Detective leader Joan in Gainesville for a long time. They are good, even though they call me the zero rat. "

Only now does Logan see that they are a person behind the boss in the doorway.

"I have Remy with me," says Sanders. "You two are going to team up."

"Hello," Remy says, smiling at him.

A sixteen year younger colleague with brown eyes and a well-trained body. Remy has to hang in the gym every second. It is not difficult to imagine him lying on the bench press with a bright red face. The question is how good he is as a police officer. Logan can't bear to train a cub. It is enough to raise two children at home.

"The body was found by a dog hunter in the forest," Sanders says. "Janus lay in an immersion in the earth covered with twigs and leaves. Since the body has not been able to be autopsied, the cause of death is unknown but he has discolourations around his neck suggesting strangulation."

Remy and Logan meet each other's eyes.

"Start by going to Janus Deceits partner and give him the death message."


	5. Chapter 5

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> TW: Strong language, mentioning of vomit. cyberbullying 
> 
> Fuck school 4-ever, Pranks reads on the toilet door. He doesn't pretend to knock from the outside. The bullying started over a year ago. The girls and undertones on Snapchat and Instagram. Thank you to all the beautiful who did not disappoint me when I needed you most. You know who you are.

Fuck school 4-ever, Pranks reads on the toilet door. He doesn't pretend to knock from the outside. The bullying started over a year ago. The girls and undertones on Snapchat and Instagram. Thank you to all the beautiful who did not disappoint me when I needed you most. You know who you are.

Three girls were tagged, but not Pranks. His former best friend Fiona loves to stab the knife in him. It was a tough period for Fiona in sixth when her parents divorced. She started drinking beer and partying and hanging out with the cool gang at school. Fiona has always needed to assert herself, perhaps because she is the shortest in class. Pranks distanced himself. And blamed homework and training for not having to go along. When Mom and Dad asked why Fiona and he had slid apart, Pranks lied.

He didn't want to gossip. But when he bumped into Fiona one evening, he discovered that she was so drunk that she couldn't walk and, in addition, had vomited down her long reddish hair, that was enough. Then Pranks told his parents. For Fiona's sake. He was worried that things would go badly for her, as she hung out with older guys. The next day, Fiona was not at school. It had been taken to hell at home and Fiona must have figured out who it was that gossiped. Pranks saved the last message he received from Fiona a year ago. It's so full of hatred that it hurts to think about it:

You should regret this. You ruined my life and I hate you for everything else. Why, Pranks? Why are you such a damn newspaper that you have to sabotage me? Nice to move. I hope we never see you again. There's no one here to miss you. I'll make sure of that.

Then came the move and the contact between them was broken. The door knocks on the toilet door escalate. "We know you're in there!"In time, they get tired and leave unless their lessons begin. Pranks know he did the right thing about the Fiona party, but it got so lonely and quiet when he moved to Palma. Gossip and rumours spread that he couldn't defend himself. Fiona is very good at convincing others. When Pranks came home last summer, no one wanted to meet. No one had missed him. Things got worse when school started and Pranks got a locker. It's hard to be tall and have a cupboard at the bottom, he's more exposed every time he has to bend or get down on his knees to look for something. The kick in the butt came on the first day of the autumn term. 

He was completely unprepared and lost the balance, but had to accept himself with one hand on the floor. It was only the chin that hit the door. The wound has disappeared now.

When he turned around, a whole bunch of people passed by. One of them was Fiona. Pranks are sure they were the one who kicked. There is no one but Fiona who is cursed at him. Tessa is Fiona's new best friend. Pranks have a hard time to digest it. As much crap as Fiona has been talking about the blonde, long skinny girl with glasses, and now they're inseparable?

After a few days at school, Prank got a headache and stomach ache. The teachers and mom and dad got so annoyed when he complained all the time and told him to bite. Don't whine about the little one. Of course, they asked if something had happened, but it was too shameful to say that he was out frozen. Never in his life would he talk about it with mom and dad, they wouldn't understand. He made an attempt to explain it to a teacher, but he did not respond as Pranks had hoped. The woman just sighed and said that she was tired of the girls' childish intrigue."Were they any more?" she asked uninterestedly.No.

Pranks is looking at the mobile. Already five minutes to the mat. That is why it is quiet in the corridor outside. Carefully she opens the door and sneaks out. Then he goes off to the classroom. The first thing he sees is Fiona's satisfied smirk away at the window towards the courtyard. The teacher comes off and stares at him annoyed"Pranks, you're hopeless."


	6. Chapter 6

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Remy sits behind the wheel and heads for Janus Deceits address to the south. Logan sighs at all the road construction that makes access to the capital more difficult.
> 
> "How is my teacher Princey doing then?" Remy asks something teasing in his voice.
> 
> Logan laughs. "Just fine, please."

Remy sits behind the wheel and heads for Janus Deceits address to the south. Logan sighs at all the road construction that makes access to the capital more difficult.

"How is my teacher Princey doing then?" Remy asks something teasing in his voice.

Logan laughs. "Just fine, please."

"It was he who bossed me," he explains, looking exaggeratedly submissive, like a dog with its tail between its legs. "And see how it went."

"Nothing further," Logan agrees. "And now you will be drawn with me."

"My God yes, what have I done to hurt the world?"

He sighs without letting go of his eyes.

Logan looks out through the box. "We have separated."

"Oh fuck, that was sad to hear."

His missing comments are hanging in the air, but don't know what to say. Since it was he who ended it, it is sensitive for Princey. Of course, he doesn't want to talk about it. Thankfully Remy releases the topic.

Logan cannot deny that he is better off in his company than he thought. There is something about Remy's energy that makes him in a good mood. His alertness.

Or is he blinded by his exterior? He turns the thought off immediately, because he can neither, nor wants to, be interested in anyone from work. He has already made that mistake. Do again do right.

Then he blushes as he thinks about their big age difference. He's forty and he's twenty-five. In other words, young and malleable.

"What are you thinking about?" Remy asks and Logan bounces to.

"Nothing" he responds lightning-fast and hopes scars it doesn't show how embarrassed he is. I am emotionally malnourished, he says dryly. Otherwise, my thoughts would not go around in this unpleasant way.

Sharpening. 

They arrive at Master Michael's street and brakes outside the charming alley which consists of small houses in different colours. Logan did not know the picturesque street.

"What a place," he exclaims, pointing to the water. "

"And a view of Universal studios as well."

"You," Remy says, harking on.

"Is there any chance you can say... yes, that is, give the very death command. I find it difficult."

"You know, I think so, too," he says. "You never learn. It just never gets easier over the years. "

"Thanks, it was embarrassing to hear," he says ironically.

Logan takes a deep breath. They will just meet a man who has lived between hope and despair for several days since his partner disappeared. Now the worst thing has happened. And not only is he dead but murdered. Logan rings at the door and a young man in a green suit and green blouse and converse opens. A beautiful exterior, but how he really can be revealed by the blank look and bags under his eyes. He must have been asleep.

Logan recognizes Remus from one from a mingle from a gala premiere along with Janus. Logan's dad has an unhealthy interest in gossip magazines, otherwise, Logan would never browse one. Both Virgil and Patton beamed at the picture.

"What is the matter?" Remus says, flickering with his eyes. He is well used to people walking past Janus's house with the hope of seeing him. And the journalists have been trampling around here around the clock since Janus was reported missing last Thursday.

"We are here from the police investigation unit. It applies to your partner, Janus Deceit, "Remy says, and legitimizes. "Can we come in?"

Remus turns ash grey in the face "Get on."

Logan feels a scent of lavender and sees small pots on a bench in the hall. He takes off his shoes and finds that there are only a pair of men's shoes with heels. Logan is no longer able to think about it but goes with Virgil into a rustic kitchen with gas stove and Moroccan tiled floor in blue-grey tones.

"We have just renovated," says Remus and Logan sees the construction dust swirling in the light from the ceiling lamp.

They settle down around a white elliptical table and Remus puts away some wedding catalogues. Logan gets a lump in his throat. A death message cannot be wrapped up, as the message is definite.

"Just say it," whispers Remus, looking appealingly at Logan.

"Unfortunately, Janus was found dead this morning," he says.

"We are sorry," Remy shrugged, tearing off a piece of household paper on the table, and handed it to Remus with a trembling hand as he began to cry.

He receives the paper and wipes the wet cheeks. "That can't be true," he whispers. They let the news sink in. Remus must get the time he needs. That's the least it can do. Logan looks around discreetly.

Not a loaf of bread anywhere or any gadgets is lying around and scraping. Remus must have had nothing else but to clean nervously while waiting for a message. Remy harkens after a moment's silence. "Virgil, is it okay if we ask any questions?" He raises his gaze but sniffs at the paper he got from Remy and nods.

"We know that you've already talked to our colleagues about Janus's disappearance, so there may be some repetitions now," Logan explains. "Hope you can have indulgence with it."

"Yes, but I don't know how much I can handle."

"We understand, and we will do our best not to be tedious," says Logan. "If we take it from the beginning. When did you last see Janus? "

"Last Sunday morning, a week ago," he says. "After the broadcast, he called and said he was exhausted and needed to go away and think a little."

"Think about what?"

Remus glances the wedding catalogues with a hard-to-interpret look. "I would not have started the project. It was so stupid in the middle of the renovation and everything... "

"Would you be married?" Logan interrupts.

"Yes, this summer," he replies. "I shouldn't have pushed him with the wedding. He has not been himself lately. It just stressed him out, but I wanted to... "

"Did Janus go away to be alone?" Asks Remy.

Remus shrugs. "It has happened."

"For several days?"

"No, not in this way he says. "That's why I got worried."

"You first reported him missing last Thursday, four days after he left," says Logan. "Why did it take so long?"

The tears flow. "I wanted to show respect and give him time to be for himself, but then they called from work and asked for him. He resigned his pass on Sunday and would return to the editorial board on Thursday, but never showed up. "

So he was gone for several days before anyone responded. "Do you know where he was?" Remus shakes his head. "No, he never said that and he didn't respond to my messages either."

So Janus decided to leave his partner without telling where he was going. Logan must ask the tricky question.

"Did you have problems in your relationship? Was that why he went? "Remus's tears flow.

"I loved him."

Logan and Remy glance at each other and Logan shakes his head. It is not a place to hear if Remus thinks his love was answered. "I can't do it now," he says, cheating again.

Logan can't help but wonder why Remus doesn't ask a single question about how Janus died. It is usually one of the most common considerations when leaving a death sentence.

"We haven't been able to go into the circumstances of Janus's death," Logan says, to present it as smoothly as possible. He tries to read a reaction from Remus but sees no change.

"He was found in the woods," Logan continues. "We are working on the theory that he was brought to life, and therefore has started a criminal investigation." Remus is still motionless.

"Do you know what he could have done in Fort Lauderlade?" Asks Remy.

"In Fort Lauderdale" Remus shakes his head. "No, now I know nothing. I've never heard him mention Fort Lauderdale. "

"But now that you know that someone has caused his death, what are your thoughts? Did Patton have any enemies? "

Remus looks tired. "I do not know."

"Did something happen recently?" Asks Remy

"Maybe at work?" Logan suggests.

Remus's gaze solidifies. "The job?" "Yes, I imagine Janus met many new people in his work on News Morning."

"The trissman," exclaims Remus.

"Who is that?" Remy asks.

"He's the one who harassed Janus."


	7. Chapter 7

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> It is impossible to find a comfortable position in the narrow grave. The moisture has been looking inside his clothes and worms and crawling beads beneath him. Patton should get up and climb because this is crazy. But he himself has chosen this. He clasps his hands over his stomach and closes his eyes. The tools of meditation, to let thoughts come and go, sound so laughably easy. But everything spins like a dryer in your head. Nothing can be sorted or put aside, but big and small have the same weight and importance.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> A/N So Im being nice here and giving you a pre-written chapter because I'm nice and losing some motivation and writer's block. Would you like another book that is based around mental illness? Love Em
> 
> I would finish this one first but I'm curious if you would want it also take it easy and be safe

It is impossible to find a comfortable position in the narrow grave. The moisture has been looking inside his clothes and worms and crawling beads beneath him. Patton should get up and climb because this is crazy. But he himself has chosen this. He clasps his hands over his stomach and closes his eyes. The tools of meditation, to let thoughts come and go, sound so laughably easy. But everything spins like a dryer in your head. Nothing can be sorted or put aside, but big and small have the same weight and importance.

Hopefully, he will gain new insights. And maybe he can forgive himself. Once life had taken him all the way to the top and there was nothing major to fight for, then something glow went out. The kicks failed. He dropped the sting when he had already realized himself. Patton believed that the training would keep him in good spirits and give him new strength. It started with two sessions a week but tracked down as with everything else he takes care of. All or nothing.  
It became like a drug. Or an escape. Early mornings, late evenings, then training even on weekends. Gym, running and cycling. Very time consuming and exhausting but at the same time an explanation that he couldn't be home and help. The more he was gone, the paler Virgil became.

He never complained, despite disappearing into himself and the job. What would he say? After all, it was he who provided the family. A clear division that could not be called into question. Even when he had been hit by the car and had head and neck pain, he left in the morning to cycle five miles. Leave him alone with three children, one with a proper cold and thirty-nine degrees of fever.

Who does so? Just an idiot  
It is liberating to admit that he has been a pig. Everything becomes so much easier then. Self-instinct lands with him at the same rate as the clay eats itself into his trousers, shirt and his swanky jacket. He has already lost hope of being forgiven. There is too much that has happened, so many stupid things he has done.  
Unpardonable whim.

He started to sleep at work because that was easiest. It was so heartbreaking to just be home and see how the family longed for him. They wanted more than he could give them. The children demanded his attention even more intensely as he tried to pull away. It made him easy and he needed a free zone in his home the few moments he was there. In the sauna, he could lock himself in and be at peace.

Maybe he should never become a father?  
Patton forces himself to face the horrible thought. Does he not love his children? Nora, Quinn and Cleo.  
Yes, everywhere else.

But they are better off without him.


	8. Chapter 8

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Logan's hope was to be able to work normal times the first day, but instead he had to call his mother and ask her to pick up Damian at preschool. Now that Logan has a concrete track to work on, he can't go home. He finally gets hold of TV4's security team and explains who he is and why he is calling.

Logan's hope was to be able to work normal times the first day, but instead he had to call his mother and ask her to pick up Damian at preschool. Now that Logan has a concrete track to work on, he can't go home. He finally gets hold of TV4's security team and explains who he is and why he is calling.

The woman bellows as a degree of security. "Hello."

"Has there been a threat to Janus Deceit on news morning?" Asks Logan. The woman at the other end of the handset sighs. "Unfortunately, for some hosts, threatening comments and hopes are part of everyday life, but Janus was liked by most."

"But he didn't escape either, did he?"

"No, exactly," the woman replies. "We've had problems with a man who has been to Janus on a few occasions." The ink pen stops working, and Logan stretches for a new one.

"Tell."

"It comes down to an incident on Saturday the twenty-eighth of September when a man scraped Triss in the news morning," she says. "Afterwards he was very disappointed. He had expected a bigger win and thought Janus had ruled his lot. I don't know exactly what he meant, but he got distracted when Janus talked while making his choice. "

That sounds pretty far-fetched, Logan thinks

"In the locker room after the broadcast, he attacked Janus and accused him of destroying his life. It was an unpleasant atmosphere and Janus was injured. "

"What happened then?" Asks Logan. Thoughts spin different scenarios, but the woman interrupts before Logan has time to arrive at something.

"The man has apparently sought out Janus on numerous occasions, but Janus did not want to report him to the police."

"Would we be able to come and watch the material from the surveillance cameras?"

"Obviously. You're welcome here. "

"Thanks, what's the name of the Winner?

"Mitchell Salmon sixty-three years, from Jordan Drift."

"How much did he win?"

"One hundred thousand, but he had hoped for five million," she says. "That would have saved him. He screamed it in the locker room when the guards carried him away. "

"Can I and my colleague come right away?"

"I'm fine, I'll report you to the guard."

"Thanks for the help," says Logan.

Then he goes online and looks for the clip from last Saturday. Mitchell Salmon is a big guy with a grey moustache and heavy arms. He is wearing a red-black flannel card. Green tattoos are visible under the arms. At first, he seems elated. But when he scraped all the boxes and Janus notes that the profit was a hundred thousand kronor, something happens to Mitchell's facial expression. He completely loses the position and admits that he had expected much more. Then the broadcast for advertising is broken.

Remy knocks on the door. "Can I come in?"

"Sure," he says, and he borders the visitor's chair and leans his arms over the backrest. These are the two of the team now, and for some reason, Logan gets feelings of guilt for Princey, even if it's not his decision. "What a handsome guy" Remy jokes and nods at Mitchell. Logan talks about the conversation with the woman in the security department. "You can put on your jacket because we're going to TV4 and watching the recording from the surveillance cameras."

"Now? I have plans for tonight. "

"What a pity, but the job goes ahead," he answers firmly to indicate that it is well-debated. Did he have to confirm his prejudice about self-absorbed and spoiled nineties? "Sure," he says, handing out a print. "Janus Deceits Call List." He has not called once from Dalarna. Not to anyone, Logan notes after looking through the list.

"A historic interception is a must, so we get the SMS over the last two weeks too," he says. "Yes, that was the next thing," Remy says. "It is about ten thousand SEK, as it is just over a hundred text messages." The operators in Orlando demand a hundred SEK per text message, something that makes Logan crazy. In Oregon, police information is free of charge. "Request them, we must be able to read his messages," Logan says, and begin to realize how hard they are to work over twenty miles from the scout leader.

"Ask Borlänge for security reasons, I'm not the one leading the preliminary investigation." Logan looks up Mitchells Salmon's mobile number to see if it's on Janus's call list. "Look here he tells Remy. "Mitchell has called Janus on five occasions, the first call lasted twenty-two seconds, but was not answered." "And his call ended completely last Sunday."

The cell phone's last known location is near the find site in Dalarna, but of course, it is not possible to determine whether it is Janus himself or the killer who turned it off. "I talked to Joan just before I got the call list," Remy says. "The body is on its way to forensic. They could only confirm that Janus has not died of natural death and that the body has been moved to mortality, but it is not possible to speculate on a cause of death yet. We will know more after the autopsy of course, but I have one more thing. "

"What?"

"According to the forensic examiner, Janus had been dead for a maximum of 24 hours when he was found." Logan counts backwards. "That means he must have lived for a week after he disappeared." Without calling his partner once.


	9. Chapter 9

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> TW attempted murder mentioning of starvation, Told you its angsty ;) lol

Arrive at the stop at the blacksmith's dot at eight o'clock tonight. There is a way to come back. Are you brave enough? Pranks sit in bed staring at the handwritten note lying in his locker at school. Of course, Fiona is behind it. Who else?

Hours pass and Pranks becomes increasingly restless. He can't decide if he should care. What did he see in Fiona? A funny, crazy girl, but a boundlessness creates worry and intrigue. No, Pranks doesn't want to go back to her. He refuses to be Fiona's nick doll even if they become the same. Tessa is happy to retain that role. However, Pranks wants everything to be as usual again. He knocks the patch together and throws it under the bed. At the same time, he makes a decision.

He has no choice but to go there. Pranks watch the clock. It is urgent. He is wearing light blue jeans and a light sweater.

Come dressed in black.

It requires a quick change, and he rips around among the used clothes that are thrown over the armchair. The pile is growing every day. He wears a pair of black flared jeans and notices that they have been enlarged at the waist, even though he is no longer exercising. It has been difficult to eat lately. The school dining room is not a pleasant place and he would rather not set foot there. Then he would rather take some sandwiches when he comes home. 

Like today. But even the sandwiches are growing in the mouth nowadays and can hardly be swallowed.

He is rarely hungry anymore. It is raining and they are just a few plus degrees outside. Darkness has settled and the fog hangs over the roofs. Thankfully, his jacket is black, so now Fiona should be able to find something to complain about. Pranks unlock his bike and should just sit on the saddle when he hears the front door open.

"Where are you going?"

Pranks tensed

Mother.

He hadn't expected that."To the video store, one turn only. How so? ""You have to eat food, not candy," she answers, and anger flares up. It was a fucking bitch about eating. No one in his age does it, at least of the girls. Can't just mom get it?"Let me be," Pranks says"It's a little difficult," she says, reaching out for her helmet. "I happen to be your mom and care about you."

Pranks think. If Mom had spent a single second on someone other than herself, they would not have moved away from blacksmith's dot."If you care so much, you should let me go now," he says angrier than he thought."Cycle"."What?""I thought you wouldn't ride a bike."Mom pushes the ugly red helmet against him. Her whimsical smile makes Pranks want to scream straight out. Still, he takes the helmet and puts it on his head before stepping away. Quick and jerky.

"Don't be late," Mom calls out to him. The voice cuts throughout the body. Pranks can't tolerate that Mom is on him like a fucking guard. It must be enough now, he is no longer a baby. And therefore he does not intend to go around as one and make fun of himself. As soon as Pranks has come down the hill he wears his helmet. Then he takes the left instead of the right. Against the smithy plain.

The square is stone dead. Of course, nobody is there. What had he thought? It is off in most windows closest to the tram stop. The area feels spooky. They are clear that they would deceive him. He is ashamed of looking around, but the visibility is poor because of the fog.It would not surprise her if Fiona and her friends were hidden somewhere. Laughing at him, maybe filming something that they might put up in a chat that he does not have access to. He waits for a few minutes, then decides to ride home. He has no rain clothes and starts to freeze from the drizzle. Someone is going further afield, with a dog. It can't be Fiona. Best to draw. Then he hears a voice behind him.

He spins around and clashes with Fiona, who is with Tessa. Of course. Pranks look at them a former best friend who has found a new friend who does everything she says. LameTessa. Fiona's own word choices. It is she and not Pranks, who laughed at Tessa stealthily. If only she knew."Are you ready to pay back?" asks Fiona "What do you mean?" Pranks ask worriedly. Tessa looks away.

"Yes, what is the price of a fraud?" I was worried for you," he replies, watching Tessa stomp her white Michel cross-sneakers nervously on the tarmac. That makes Prank feel uncomfortable. What are they going to expose him to? The woman with the dog is far away. They are all alone now. blacksmith's dot, which has always been a safe place, feels intimidating and dark. She can almost take on Fiona's hatred.

Fiona takes a step closer. "You can start by apologizing for all the crap you put up with. Just everything bad that happened is your fault. All." Sorry," says Pranks, subdued with his gaze on the slopes."What?" says Fiona annoyed. "I did not hear." "He said sorry," Tessa whispers, grabbing Fiona's jacket which is too thin for this season, but Fiona wears off.

Fiona watches the clock on their mobile. "Seven minutes." Pranks try to read their miniplay but do not understand. Then the snail against the tram rails. Deadly lead over the tracks.

The yellow warning sign is impossible to miss. The worry shines and nausea arises so suddenly that he can't hold it back. "What ... what do you want me to do?" stutters Pranks and sets off the bike.

"You should lie straight across the track


	10. Chapter 10

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> There are many things Princey regrets in life, but in an unharmed first place comes Karen. Logan's substitute. The young former police officer with raven black hair and ice-blue eyes. The woman with the dialect who took time to place. Maybe because she was born in Dalarna, but grew up in Kalmar. The woman who loves judo and fishing.

There are many things Princey regrets in life, but in an unharmed first place comes Karen. Logan's substitute. The young former police officer with raven black hair and ice-blue eyes. The woman with the dialect who took time to place. Maybe because she was born in Dalarna, but grew up in Kalmar. The woman who loves judo and fishing.

Karen, who fooled him. Princey wanks on and off in the apartment, worried and nervous now that Missy is asleep and he is idle. He can't handle a single task at home, because he only thinks about the message. The counter fills the sink and he should clean, but instead, he sees scenes from that fateful evening.

He hadn't had to invite Karen. Even less ha ... no, he turns off the slideshow in his head. Refusing to remind her of her lace bra on the floor. She completely surprised him. Her elusiveness, her sexy body. The cravings that were about to destroy him. No one had been able to resist. No. But it is hard to believe that the only occasion that would have made her pregnant. Can you have such bad luck? Ironically, he has longed to become a father, and at times tried to accept that dream would come true.

But two children?

No, she's lying.

It would not be the first time in such cases.

Out of pure frustration, Princey starts washing dishes by hand. A saucepan with dried porridge, a few drinking glasses, plates, baby spoons in plastic and ordinary cutlery. He shivers when he thinks of Karen's involvement in the policed legacy a few years ago.

The scandal that ended with several police officers being shut down too long, some were locked in for life. Karen managed to escape prison, but will never be able to work as a police officer again.

She has burned her bridges.

Even with him.

It makes it extra difficult to know how to act now. If it is true that she has had a child and he is the father, it is a nightmare. That would tie them together forever. Karen is an unpredictable person with the same behaviour as a stalker. She commutes between deep love and rage, and it is scary to be drawn into. How then will that child become?

Princey lines up the porcelain in the sink and lets it air dry. Then he takes the rag and wipes off the bench so it will shine clean. But restlessness does not leave him. What is Karen looking for?

Him.

Princey pulls out the cloth and hangs it. It is his damning duty to make sure both him and Logan are harassed.

A child.

He takes out the cellphone and looks at the picture. It can not be true. She's just trying to fuck him. He must stop her once and for all.


	11. Chapter 11

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> If Pranks even turns around. It is not possible to pair the angry guy with her adorable child who just recently braided the hair of his My Little Pony and wished Lego Friends for Christmas. Josefine misses her little boy. Now Pranks has grown about her. But a few months ago, Prank came home with a short page. Josefine can't understand that Pranks cut her hair like that without even consulting her. But they are surely part of the painful release from the parents. From her, Josefine corrects herself. Emmy and Pranks are never rude.

Josefine looks at the wall clock in the kitchen and sees that the glass has cracked. Should she be worried about Pranks? Lately, he has been so easy, yes, ever since they came home from Palma. Josefine does not know how to deal with the sudden mood swings and the bottomless wrath. Hatred. The hard bangs in the doors so the glass panes rattle. that might be why the clock is broken? Josefina opens the pantry and takes out the package of sunflower seeds and pours a pile in her hand. It has become her new habit, once she starts eating, she can't stop.

Pranks, on the other hand, eat less and less. He pokes at the food and makes boring comments. Josefine is provoked and they often end up in conflict. Emmy ducks rather than nurtures, which makes Josefine even more of a family policeman. A role that she does not want, but at the same time she has to show to the other children that it is not okay to behave anyway. The quarrel ends with Pranks leaving the table in disarray. And when Josefine asks why he is behaving so badly, the same answer always comes: "You take nothing."

No, try to explain when Josefine usually calls for him, but only gets a black look back.

If Pranks even turns around. It is not possible to pair the angry guy with her adorable child who just recently braided the hair of his My Little Pony and wished Lego Friends for Christmas. Josefine misses her little boy. Now Pranks has grown about her. But a few months ago, Prank came home with a short page. Josefine can't understand that Pranks cut her hair like that without even consulting her. But they are surely part of the painful release from the parents. From her, Josefine corrects herself. Emmy and Pranks are never rude.

It's a tough thing, regardless, for everyone involved. Josefine wonders who Pranks is hanging out with now. Not Fiona anyway, which she is relieved about. That girl is outgoing and seems to have trouble controlling her emotions. Josefine might feel sorry for her but probably can't do it. She has enough with her. The sunflower seeds are finished and Josefine shakes out the scrap at the bottom. Then she sits on a bag of toasted coconut chips instead.

Pranks have been gone for half an hour, so why does she walk around like on needles? Maybe because it was not a nice ending. And because Josefine understood that Pranks was lying to her straight up her face. He never turned to the video shop and already there Josefine considered jumping into the car and going to stand him against the wall. Demand an answer to why he does not speak the truth.

Emmy enters the kitchen. "What's with you? You look stressed. "I'm getting worried about Pranks," she says. "He should be home now.""Have you tried to get hold of him?" she asks, turning on the kettle on the sink."Only three times," she replies, ashamed that she is such a hawk mother. "But he just ignores me. Can you try? Please. "

Emmy sighs, but she calls her eldest son for peace. No answer. "You don't have to worry, he would probably meet some friends," he consoled. She makes it sound so simple. "Pranks knows I'm going crazy," Josefine says, laying down the coconut chips. "And he does it with diligence just to punish me." "Don't be so hard on him," Emmy asks. "He is of a sensitive age. The move was not successful for him, plus we chose to stay for a whole year. It takes time to change. "

Emmy is right. She is hysterical. Maybe because she has no projects of her own to do, everything revolves around the children and the house. And her control needs. "Do you want a cup of tea?" she asks, pulling out the box with the different varieties. Josefine tries to relax. She must stop looking for problems and allow the family to breathe. "Well, thank you," she replies. "Chamomile." Nevertheless, the anxiety does not disappear completely. Mother-hearted bolts in disarray. Smilingly, she rings Prank's mobile again.

The signals are forward. Something is wrong, she knew it already when Pranks was cycling away. There was something about the immediate anger. As if Josefine caught him.


	12. Chapter 12

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The betrayal that divided the family.

Earth crashes to the edges and Patton gets rubbish in one eye. What is he doing here? A multi-millionaire who can buy anything he wants, but is still not satisfied. Virgil only became quieter with time. Not even when he bit his bedbug at night or when he started sleeping tablets did he do anything. He managed to walk and train the shit out of him for two hours but didn't give his husband any encouraging words and a hug.

See his cry for help. It whistles in his ears as he tries to understand. But inside he knows. He can't help but look around in the abyss that he is in, literally. That's the sickest thing he's been through, all categories. Here he has nowhere to escape the truth. That he ended up in a life crisis.  
The most unpleasant thing is that he cannot point out a particular situation or a specific day. He will think of a lake where the water surface slowly rises millimetres by millimetres, without anyone noticing. Until a day when the flood is a fact. His life was too damn complete. And now he lies submerged several meters underground somewhere in the forest. He gets mad at himself. But most angry is he for his betrayal.

It is inevitable not to think about them. Which one leaves home when his husband has just told him that he is sick? It got so awkward and got his whole life throbbing. Ill? What sick? He remembers seeing the mirror pictures of both in the hall when he told them what he should have already understood but closed his eyes too. He had just stepped into the house after leaving the children at preschool and school, while he was showering and shaving himself to be fine for the job.

Their vastly different lives under one roof happened to cross some fateful minutes that morning. It was enough for him to stop for a moment and see his husband. His posture was sunk and he had leaned significantly. The clavicles appeared so sharp, the cheeks were sunken and the eyes were hollow. He himself was more trained than ever, beautifully tanned after a week's conference in Croatia. Unusually fresh for her age.

But Virgil? The two were like night and day. He began by apologizing that he had not said anything before, because he did not want to talk about it to the children, did not want to worry them unnecessarily. Typically Virgil to always put others in the first room. Then he tells it, without a whim.  
"I have cancer in the uterus." Patton is uncomfortably twisting in the grave trying to ignore that he is freezing and hungry. He deserves to suffer. It came to light that Virgil has already been operated twice in recent months.

He had done so without saying anything because he did not want to burden him when he seemed so stressed. He has never felt like a worse person than before. His husband went through a terrible thing, all alone. It is unforgivable. If he had only stopped for a second, asked him how he felt, then they would not have stood there in the hall like two strangers. He should have hugged him and asked for forgiveness, but the brain told him something completely different.  
Running. Hurry up from here.

He looked at his Rolex and explained that he had a meeting in half an hour.  
"We'll talk more about it tonight."  
As if it was about switching electricity companies. He did not protest, but he saw his tears in his eye. Then he threw himself out the front door and pushed it harder than usual. He purposefully walked toward the car and tried to breathe. Once in the driver's seat came the damn tears. Not about Virgil's disease in the first place, but about his bad behaviour. He sobbed and cried, knowing he should go back but couldn't.

No, now it must be enough, Patton's not going to stay a minute in this fucking hole in the ground. It is too difficult to analyze everything that has happened when he wants to forget. He gets on his feet. The white shoes are completely destroyed, just as if they were to play a role. He looks for a rope or something that can help him up but finds nothing.  
"Hello," he exclaims teasingly.

Above the head. The iron gate is over the opening. The one he helped lift off. That was too heavy for one person. Has it stuck? He tries to push it, but it doesn't move. What the hell is going on?  
"Let me out!" Patton screams until the voice cuts and him jerks and struggles in the gate, but it can't be upset. Is it the punishment for the worst of all his betrayal?

The betrayal that divided the family.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Yes, both Logan and Virgil are transgender FTM in this.  
> But barely mentioned
> 
> Love Em


	13. Chapter 13

"At least Mitchell has kept us busy over the years," Remy says as they sit in the car on the way to TV4. "I hit him. There is both speeding and other minor things in the load register. "

"But nothing indicates he's violent?" Logan asks, slowing in at a red light outside the Stadium. They'll be there soon.

"He has gone there for minor abuse," replies Remy. "Is it good enough for the gentleman?"

Logan shakes his head at his way of expressing himself. Finally, it turns to green. Mitchell could have done worse things than that without being caught. Besides, it is not uncommon for people without a criminal history to commit horrific crimes. "He doesn't seem to have worked for a long time either," Remy says. "This can make people sick when there is too much time to focus on the wrong things. Like harassing an innocent host. "

When they arrive at TV4, the woman in the security department says that she has already put several people through the tapes from the time Mitchell was in the morning couch until Janus disappeared. "It has not led to anything so far," she says, shrugging her shoulders. "We had Sunday left."

"Then we look through it ourselves," says Logan, and slides down the screen. Remy pulls out the chair next to him and sits down.

"Do you want something to drink, the woman asks. "It's good for me," says Logan. "When we spoke on the phone before, you said Mitchell had bothered Janus on many occasions, can you tell us more about it? "Mitchell had visited Janus on the South, and the next morning he confronted him at work. That's all I know. "Okay, thank you. "

Logan flushes through the several hour-long materials from the surveillance camera at the entrance. Both kids are fine, but he still gets a bad conscience because he works over the first day. He promises himself that this is the last thing he will do today if nothing urgent happens. "Is it just me who's tired?" Remy asks, swallowing some caffeine tablets.

Then Logan sees what he's been waiting for. The pattern on the shirt reveals him, otherwise, he might have flushed past the moment. Mitchell wears a dark cap that shades his face, but you can't miss his body shape, shirt and moustache. That's him. "Remy," he says. He moves the chair closer so close that they turn. Mitchell stands and steps outside the entrance of the TV-house and sometimes he disappears from the picture because he is on the edge of the camera's shooting area.

The digital clock on the recording shows eleven and thirty-two in the morning. "What time does the news morning stop being broadcast on Sundays?" Asks Logan "And you ask me that?" Says Remy. "Do I look like the target group?"

"Half twelve," says the woman from the security department. Logan had almost forgotten that they were not alone in the room. The next few minutes don't happen so much on the surveillance film. Mitchell looks at the clock, he pokes his nose, he spits. Going back and forth. Beware of people coming nearby. Logan rewinds and returns to normal speed at twenty past twelve. A man comes out of the doors.

"Janus Deceit" notes Remy. The hostess hesitates for a few seconds before heading towards Tegeluddsvägen. "No, stop," Remy whispers, as if he could influence the course. Mitchell moves towards Janus and gestures wildly. Janus backs to the door and backs to the door, holding up a hand for Mitchell to calm down.

"How annoying that there is no sound," Remy says, leaning back in the chair. Mitchell stops and holds out an empty wallet. His sleeves go up and his tattoos are visible. It looks like Janus is saying something, then he goes left and disappears out of the picture. After a while, Mitchell follows him. Logan is fast-forwarding, but there is nothing more of interest. Then he rewinds and freezes the image of the host just before he is persecuted."So this is the last we have of Janus."

Mitchell, a lonely desperate man who deals in affectation. Suddenly, they have both a suspect and a motive. Logan makes sure to get the surveillance camera to his mailbox before they leave the TV4 house. As they sit in the car, Logan calls up the investigative leader or the machine-gun that Sanders calls them and tells them what he has come up with.

"Incredible," says Joan, excited about the new information. "We have secured footprints from large boots near the bargain site. Most seem to belong to the man who found Janus, but not all so there are impressions to compare with whether Mitchell has any boots. "We go home to him and have a talk," he says. "That's good," they respond to dal goals and the conversation is over.

They are quite dark when Logan enters the address of the GPS to Jason street in Gainesville. "I try to understand how you can get so angry about only winning hundreds of thousands of dollars that you look for the program manager afterwards," says Logan. "It is one thing to be disappointed that it did not become more than that, but it is quite another to see it as having lost four come nine million. And blame the loss on Janus. "

"It doesn't feel healthy," Remy agrees. Was the press too big to sit on live television? Mitchell may have suffered a panic attack or a psychosis. Or was he manic? The pictures on the surveillance camera showed no crowd, only that Mitchell confronted Janus and then followed him. The exact vase that happened afterwards only Mitchell knows. A quarter of a drive later, they arrive at the grey apartment building in Jason street, where Mitchell is written. They take the elevator up to the fifth floor, calling.


	14. Chapter 14

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> It sounds like Tessa. But Prank doesn't think until the world explodes in a firework of flashes and stars.
> 
> Then it turns black.
> 
> OOOOH  
> EXICTING

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> TW attempted murder mentioning of starvation, more angst ;) 
> 
> I feel like this sucks and it´s bad af writing and it'll never be better  
> thanks for reading this crap and it's only going to be angstier the further we get into the story 
> 
> this is also up on Wattpad @ VIRGIL_YES

Fiona pushes Pranks in front of him along the tram rails and says he has to hurry. Tessa is barely visible at this angle, she is too far behind. Pranks no longer shake off cold, now it is out of sheer terror. Is there any way out? He hopes that someone will show up and understand what is going on, but it is dark and empty. no one has seen them go out on the track. The fog makes visibility bad and Pranks stares at his dark pants.  
Come dressed in black.

Is it because he should not look as good against the rails. The farther away from the stop they come, the faster the tram will learn to ride. When Fiona stops, both Pranks and she know that it is far enough away that the driver will not be able to begin the slowdown to the smithy plain.  
"Here's going to be good," says Fiona. "Lie down and close your eyes." Close your eyes? Pranks stare at Fiona and Tessa. "Do you want me to die?"  
"Are you a coward?" "No, you know I'm not," Pranks replies defiantly.  
“Then you shouldn't ever say anything to my parents that I drank and smoked." "I did the right thing for you. "

Fiona's eyes light up. "Bullshit! You're an envious little cheater who wanted to hurt me. " The words just fly like a bullet from Fionas and Pranks understands it's run. "The tram is here soon," Tessa says gently, tapping Apollo on the shoulder. "Can't we just screw it?" "Shut up," says Fiona, dragging Tessa into a bush next door. "You said we were just supposed to scare him," is the last Pranks hear from Tessa before Fiona silences her.

Pranks count the seconds in his head, mostly to keep the panic in check. He has forty-eight before it begins to tremble on the rails. The edge is high and cuts into the neck. The insight tells him that he can't listen to Fiona's idiotic demands, yet he remains. He does not want to be accused of being a coward again. If he gets silent on Fiona once and for all, she might leave him in the future. Pranks wait and listen. Stares at the fog that lowers over the track. It's like in a movie or a dream that he looks at from a distance, not something that happens in real life.

Pranks know he must stay there long enough. The tram is approaching. Is it enough? Pranks turn to Fiona, who shakes her head quickly. Her gaze is glassy and Pranks swallows the anxiety. Tessa is chalky pale on her face. It's close to Pranks flying up to his feet, but, he doesn't want to have to do this again. In a few seconds, he can get up and walk away with his head high. And never again be the school chickens. Don't get kicked and beaten. Let your hair grow again, without anyone cutting it in the school toilet.

No one would believe him if she told me because nothing like that can happen at a high school in Nice-Bromma? Among well-behaved Bromma lives. Yet it was nowhere near what is happening now. He senses the tram in the fog, but he hears no squeaky brakes. No honking. Does the driver not see him? Fiona and Tessa remain motionless, side by side, well hidden in the bush. It is only when the headlights illuminate the area that they disappear from the field of view. Well then. it's over now. He doesn't have to stay there anymore and risk his life.

Pranks support the ground with the elbows to get up. The gaze lands on the tram for a moment too long. It speeds up, much faster than he had expected. He realizes it may be too late to get out of there. Then he stares straight into the locomotive and meets the driver's sharpened gaze. He gestures wildly at him, but his body is frozen in the ground. Pranks fail to move at all. It does not help the warned tut cut into his ears, he is unable to move. "Pranks," he hears a scream so that his voice crackles.

It sounds like Tessa. But Prank doesn't think until the world explodes in a firework of flashes and stars.

Then it turns black


	15. Chapter 15

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> "I didn't wait for a visit," she says and apologizes for being unclean. Logan sees no dust. "How nice you are". "Not then," Yasmina says and swipes her finger over a framed photograph on the wall. "Three girls it was true.

"Wait now," Remy tells Mitchell Salmon's neighbour, standing in the stairwell in Jason steet. "What are you saying?"  
"I told the police that something may have happened to Mitchell," she says. "It sounded awful in his apartment this Sunday. But no police officers came. Nobody cares about us old people. "

"Don't say so," Logan protests, "What's your name?"  
"Its Yasmina Ali. " Logan goes forward and highlights Mitchell's letterbox and draws in the smell through the nostrils. A sweet-smelling stench he recognizes too well. "Are you calling for a locksmith?" He asks Remy. "What happens?" Yasmina asks. Logan smiles at the worried woman. "We have to get into the apartment with the help of a locksmith. Is it okay for us to come into you for so long? "

"I didn't wait for a visit," she says and apologizes for being unclean. Logan sees no dust. "How nice you are". "Not then," Yasmina says and swipes her finger over a framed photograph on the wall. "Three girls it was true.

So busy everyone. No time to say hello. " "Do you know Mitchell well?" asks Remy. Yasmina giggles. "The man who lives next door in this house of cards can, without and without, whether you want to or not." "What were the bangs that sounded from Mitchell's apartment that made you contact the police?" asks Logan. "A bang and a bang," Yasmina replies. "It sounded like a noise that derailed."

The locksmiths seem to be in demand tonight, or it is a traffic jam, for it takes fifty minutes before a person shows up who can open Mitchell's door. They thank Yasmina for the help and ask her to stay in her apartment. "I'm happy to go behind you," Remy says, noticing that he's pale.

Logan has to hold his nose when he steps into Mitchell, he never gets used to the smell. In the hall are several pairs of shoes and a pair of boots with dried clay. There are no traces of any riot in the hall, and he goes on into the living room. Plot. The TV is off. A brown Manchester armchair is overturned and a blackboard has fallen into the floor so the glass has been shattered.

Something has happened here, just as Yasmina said. On the coffee table is an open chocolate box and next to it is a white envelope. Logan thinks they can wait. First, he has to locate the body. He opens the door to a bedroom and sees a cot, but no one there. In the kitchen, the sink is filled with used plates and glasses, and a flake package remains on the dining table.

"Where is he ?" Asks Remy, who is always the step behind him.  
"The bathroom," he says, "There's nowhere else to look." The door that has a WC sign is closed. Logan pushes down the handle the first thing he sees is the tub someone is lying there "Mitchell?" He asks even if it has been obvious to him all along that it is not a living person.

Logan goes closer and looks at the dead man in the half-filled bathtub with red-brown water. The head is turned away and he is naked. "Oh, fuck," Remy says, leaving the room. "I can't do this. I go out and call. On the technician. "

Logan stares at the body. It is difficult to see if they are the same person as in the TV show. He must know for sure that it is Mitchell. At the same time, he does not get popular with the technicians if he messes around. As he bends over the tub, he sees the green tattoos around his wrists.  
Mitchell Salmon.  
The logan gently backs out of the bathroom to avoid destroying any traces.

Remy stands in the doorway. "I've called, they're on their way"  
"It's Mitchell," he says. He stiffly nods still pale on the cheeks.  
"Anything you want to talk about?" asks the port he shakes his head. Logan will think of the envelope on the coffee table. He returns to the living room and lifts it up. Someone has written with bad handwriting on the envelope.  
To the one who finds me.  
Inside it is empty. "Have you opened it?" he asks Remy.

"No, I haven't touched it." Strangely, he looks around the living room and then goes into the bedroom, but finds nothing. Forensic doctors and two technicians come to the apartment and he rushes to the hall to receive them.

When the doctor finds that Mitchell is dead, Logan and Remy can do no more on the spot. The work of the technicians is supposed to take all night. "His boots should be sent for analysis immediately," says Logan. "Hear from you directly if you find something else."

On their way to the Traneberg Bridge, they meet an ambulance with blue lights and drive dangerously fast. It turns off at Alvik, and they hear on the communication radio that there has been a personal accident on the Nockeby line and that tram traffic is turned off in both directions until further notice. Logan looks for the ambulance. "Hope they don't have to pick up the remains of a human being."

The cell phone rings, it's Detective Leader Joan. Logan answers and tells about the discovery in Mitchell's apartment. "I also have news to come with," they say. "We have a preliminary cause of death. Despite the chips around Janus's neck, he died not by strangulation. The tongue was intact. " "Yeah," Logan says surprised. "How did it go then?"

"He drowned."


	16. Chapter 16

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> None of them has any further character when it comes to chocolate. After some hesitation, she puts a praline in her mouth. Then she closes the closet door again and notices that Emmy is in the kitchen. she shrugs and should just admit her crime. "Okay, I couldn't help but ..."

Anxiety and frustration have turned into anger. Josefine is about to hug the teacup in her hand. Damn kid! Why did Pranks have to expose her to this? Knit away and then refuse to answer the phone. It's not okay, and Josefine intends to tell him as soon as they see him. The behaviour must have consequences. A combined curfew and mobile ban for a week should be tough. It's for Prank's good.

Josefine puts the teacup in the dishwasher and charges with a dishwasher but comes off when she has to start it. It sounds like sirens in the distance, but she sure imagines. The discomfort sweeps past. She can't keep eating to death. Just for an ambulance moving in the area and Pranks is not home, it doesn't matter. After all, they are turning to narcissistic thinking that everything revolves around her family. The water roars when Josefine starts the dishwasher and the sound outside the window is muted.

She's looking for her secret chocolate box in the pantry. When she lifts the lid and sees that there are only three chocolates left, she realizes that it was hardly as secret as she thought. Kids can snuggle up on sweets like track dogs. Or it is Emmy who has started to sneak again after the Ironman venture that went to the forest. None of them has any further character when it comes to chocolate. After some hesitation, she puts a praline in her mouth. Then she closes the closet door again and notices that Emmy is in the kitchen. she shrugs and should just admit her crime. "Okay, I couldn't help but ..."

"Josefine," she interrupts. Her stern look testifies to something serious. "I got a call," she says, and she sees how the cellphone is shaking. "Pranks is going to Karolinska in an ambulance," All blood leaves the brain and she has to take support against the sink. It tingles in the ears and it is difficult to keep your eyes open. "What happened?" she comes forward."The tram ..."

The hearing disappears completely and the trachea is too narrow to release oxygen. Josefine stares right in front of her, without hearing a word Emmy says. She only sees her lips move while she is gasping for air. She comes and takes her hand, and leads her out to the car. She hyperventilates for a moment before the hearing returns. "He lives anyway," Emmy says, starting the car. "That's the point." The rain flattens against the box and Josefine looks out at the houses she passes every day. She knows the area inside and out, yet it is as if her eyes are on something she has never seen before.

The light from an oncoming car cuts in like a razor blade in her brain. It is so painful that she has to close her eyes, but the light lingers inside the eyelids. Small white lines fluttering around. Pranks purple guy. So big but still so small. When Josefine looks again Emmy has stopped the car. "We have arrived." Josefine tries to get up but won't get off. Emmy unbuttons her seat belt and she steps out on legs that fold. She manages to grab the car door. "Honey, breathe," Emmy says, coming around to give her support. "Everything will be fine."

She plays the scene in her head when Pranks would ride home. Josefine stood there with his helmet and said something ironic about cycling or walking. Ignored the Pranks in the helmet anyway? Did he hurry and cycles over the rails when the tram came? Did he chance to save a minute? He is thirteen years old and has been cycling since childhood. Pranks are not ungrateful. Josefine imagines how Pranks is thrown off the bike and lands with his back on the hard rail. Then she is unable to think anymore, but it is difficult to turn off the brain that is going high and torment her with nasty pictures. She grabs Emmy.

"What do you know?" Only now does Josefine realize that she didn't ask. She continues towards the entrance as she talks. "Just that they happened something with Pranks at the tram and that he was on the way in an ambulance."Is he seriously injured?" Josefine asks though she doesn't know if she wants to hear the answer.

"They didn't want to tell us any details on the phone, but said we would go straight here." and now they are here in the emergency room. Without having a clue what they will meet. A nurse shows them into a room with a breeze when they declare that they are Prank's parents.

"The doctor is coming soon and talking to you.", "Where've Pranks?" asks Josefine "Just soon you should know more," says the nurse, without giving any hint of the situation. Josefine shows up. "You can't just leave us here without saying anything! This is our son. "Sit down, Josefine," Emmy urges, turning her attention to the nurse. "She is shocked." "Do you want something soothing?" the woman asks kindly.

"No, I just want to know how the hell my son is doing, is it so hard to understand ?!" Should she have to resort to violence to make her understand? Emmy prevents Josefine from getting up and giving up on the nurse. "I'll fix this." Josefin looks at her with disgust. Her grip on her is definite and she has to give up. The muscles soften and then the tears come. "So yeah, calm down," she whispers.

A short knock on the door causes them to solidify. Emmy lets go of her while a young doctor with curly hair comes in and introduces himself. His serious supervision makes Josefine dizzy in the head. She gets flashbacks to all the hospital visits for Logan's sake, all the bad news when her brother hovered between life and death. yet she has not grown accustomed. She has to give up all the power she has to concentrate on listening.

Instead, she sneaks up on her striped suit and is gripped by panic. Did she leave the house in pyjamas? "I was the one who received your son here in the emergency and made an initial assessment." The helmet. The one that Pranks hated wearing. If only he had put on his helmet. How could he ignore it? Anger goes like a projectile through the body, but dies just as quickly and is replaced by fear. Josefine sees Pranks sitting in a wheelchair with a lost feeling throughout his body.

A package. They will not work with their stairs. How to build a ramp? Should they carry him up and down the stairs in the beginning? Before the ramp is in place, that is. Josefine has a thousand unanswered questions. "He's had angel guard," the doctor says suddenly and Josefine stops in his mind. "He will be completely restored, as the injury to the head is minor." Emmy cries and Josefine realizes that she is raising her hand as if she were sitting in a classroom. The doctor nodded at her. 

"Wait I don't understand," she says. "Will Pranks not sit in a wheelchair?" He smiles for the first time since he set foot in the narrow room. "No, he has just suffered a concussion and a superficial injury to his head that required some stitches. He has got morphine and is sleeping right now but he will manage without lasting but " "Thank goodness, "Josefine whispers. The doctor's smile turns into a serious one.

"Did you know your son was suicidal?"

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> 1250 words whoop whoop. Have I broken your hearts yet?
> 
> comment below if I have or you still have a whole one 
> 
> If I spelt anything wrong just say it so I can edit it.  
> Thank you


	17. Chapter 17

TUESDAY 15 OCTOBER

Almost there

A little bit more

Just be patience

You can do it

The End

Sike Im a mean ass bitch lol see ya in 2 weeks


	18. Chapter 18

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> TW Hospital, mention of suicide I think that's it an angry teenager 
> 
> did ya miss me?
> 
> sorry not sorry
> 
> I might be nice?

Josefine occasionally wanders on the speckled linoleum floor in the long bright hospital corridors, while Emmy goes shopping for breakfast. The smell of disinfectant is not as intrusive anymore, it's probably because she's got used to it. She's been waiting all night to talk to Pranks, but he's still asleep. It is impossible to stop wondering what went wrong. What could she have done differently? Josefine gets a glimpse of her ravaged face in the glass to a door.

Who is the desperate mother with the unkempt hair? She averts her gaze and swears by the move to Palma, regretting that she has been arguing with Pranks all along. She should put more effort into understanding her son's situation. There are different conditions today than when she was a teenager. Josefine opens the door to Frank's hall. He has finally opened his eyes, and Josefine tries to console herself with the fact that he has been given a second chance.  
Pranks live.

He looks so small in the hospital bed. So fragile. "Hi old man, how are you?" Josefine whispers and immediately regrets it. It is clear that Pranks is feeling terribly bad after what has happened. Pranks looks around confused with the big bandage around his head. When did his gaze become so empty? Josefine pulls out the visitor's chair as close as possible and sits down. "I do not know," whispers Pranks. "Mom is coming soon," Josefine says, stroking his cheek gently. Pranks pulls away, just a few millimetres, but still enough for Josefine to notice. She tries not to show that it hurts her.

"We were so worried," says Josefine. "Why did you not say something?"  
The doctor advised them not to go too fast and ask sensitive questions. The risk is that Pranks closes even more then. Step one is to let him recover and tell voluntarily. But now neither the doctor nor the Emmy is here, Josefine can not help it. She must know. After all, she is his mother. A lone tear rolls down from Frank's cheek. Said what?  
Josefine swallows and tries to find a wording that she can pronounce loudly without breaking. She crosses her legs and leans back in her chair. The gaze looks away towards the window, out to freedom. To the postcard-beautiful autumn trees, which stand there as a reminder of how nice life can be. "That you did not want to live anymore." Pranks turns his head away and wipe his cheek. "We could have helped you," Josefine continues in a voice that has something angular and disappointed about her, even though she did not want to sound like that.

Still no response. Josefine places her hand over the blanket where she thinks Frank's arm is, but he snatches it. Josefine would like to squeeze the truth out of Pranks, force him to tell what he is wearing. And why in all peace has he not said anything? Why did he do this? "Please Pranks talk to me", Josefine pleads and tries to put on a bandage but hears herself how forced the voice is, on the verge of angry instead of friendly.

"I did not want to commit suicide."  
"Their name is" commit suicide ", Josefine thinks but realizes too late that she must have said it out loud because Pranks looks at her with disgust in her eyes. "Do they play any fucking role?" "Do not swear," Josefine says, biting her tongue. Pranks turn her back on her. "Forgive me, I have not slept all night," Josefine apologizes. "I'm not myself." "Well, that's exactly what you are," Pranks muttered. "And now you are going to give me a bad conscience too." Then she becomes uncomfortably quiet.

Josefine remembers the doctor's words of shame. After a failed suicide attempt, the person may end up in denial. "Honey, you can say as it is," Josefine asserts. "You do not understand anything" Pranks answers angrily and clenched his fists. "I do not want your fucking help." The moment he says those words, Emmy looks into the room with two breakfast bags in hand.

"Are you awake?" she exclaims and hurries around the bed to hug her son. "You loved me, I am so incredibly grateful and happy that you are alive. I love you." Josefine swallows her tears. Why could she not say something similar? If only she had been a little more like an Emmy. Loving and smooth. Cursed fear destroys everything. The fear of what might have happened to her children.  
An icy insight lands.  
Is she the one who drove Pranks to this?


End file.
